Dear World,

I just need to spill. If you want to know what is going on in my brain, here it is for you!

Life: I have no friends. How is that? It has been a long time since I have had to completely start over. I don't like it. I know that I need to give it time, but it is totally weird. I have never known what it felt like to be lonely. Lonely. It's horrible.
I know that I have many many friends all over the place, but I am specifically referring to BYU and even more specifically referring to the HFAC and my apartment complex. I have my cousin, that's true. But I am in this huge place, and I don't have any friends that I see on a regular basis.

Voice Teacher: I really like Dr. Reich as a person. She is really nice, and supportive, she really cares about her students. I am really excited to study with her, I am excited for lessons. I am hoping and praying that we work together well, I hope that she knows how to teach me and my voice. I told her yesterday that I had only had one voice teacher and she seemed surprised. And another student says I was in for a rough ride, because changing voice teachers can be hard. And Dr. Reich agreed. Oh boy, here we go.
She had an ice cream party at her house last night, and after I got there an hour and a half late, she was still nice to me! She made sure that I talked to the other girls in the studio, it is a studio of all girls, which is really interesting. Reichettes...that is what we are called. Ha. Cracks me up.

BYU Singers callback: It was yesterday at 5:00. I just don't know how I feel about it. I don't think I am going to get in. And I really mean that. I don't think my sound is quite what he was looking for. It wasn't because I did a bad job or anything like that, I just don't think my voice is what he was looking for in this choir. The list is supposed to be posted this morning, but I don't want to go find out. Because I know that if I am not on that list, I just might cry. Or maybe I won't! Who knows! I am feeling all wriggly.

Teaching: I suck at this teaching game. I haven't taught individual voice lessons yet, I am actually looking forward to that. However, I am not good at the group voice class because I have no idea what to do or what to expect. I just don't know how or what to teach them. I need to know a more specific schedule, I need an outline. I need something! Sweet mercy.

School: My class load is going to be crazy. YES, I am only really taking 2 sit down classes, but they are going to be insane. Not to mention opera workshop and opera chorus. That is a lot of music to learn. A lot of craziness. Music for the opera chorus class, possibly being in the opera chorus for Cosi, whatever we learn for opera workshop, an entire large opera role for Advanced Vocal Lit, and then whatever rep we are assigned by our teacher. WHAT? PLUS, if I do get into singers, all of the memorization that goes along with that.
I just have to not fall behind on my memorizing, and I will be okay. It is just daunting to look at it as a whole. BLAH.

My ward: So I go to church on Sunday and want to have friends, right? So I talk to some girls sitting next to me. I talk to them for a minute, they seem nice. I sit next to a group of guys in Sunday School and I try to talk to them. They don't talk to me. This pattern continues at church, at family home evening, and our ward prayer on Sunday night. And then I FINALLY figured it out. Those boys don't "waste their time" talking to me, because they already decided that they don't want to date me!! No, for real, because other girls would come up and talk to them and they would talk to them, no problem. But they completely ride me off because they know that they don't want to date me. WHICH IS FINE. But seriously? Friends? Why can't we just be friends? Why do you just assume that because I am talking to you, I want to date you? Really? Augh! So we can forget that guy friends notion for awhile. Because it is ridiculous. There are some things I love about BYU and some things that I most certainly do not.

OKAY. I think I'm good. Whew.