My life is so unfair

Why is it unfair, do you ask?
Because it is too good.
Don't deserve it, but it is so good all of the time.
Even when it isn't.

....

It has nothing to do with being a Mormon girl.

Voice lessons

I love voice lessons. Who even thought I would say that ever again? I was just so frustrated with singing by the end of last year, I didn't even like it anymore.
I absolutely love my teacher, Dr. Diane Reich-she knows exactly what she is talking about and she knows how to explain it to me. When I don't get it the first time, she can explain it to me in a different way until I do.
She doesn't yell, she is so patient. But not so patient that I have no drive--I have more drive than I have had in a long time.
I am learning so much from her teaching, ---I have made substantial progress and I have only been studying with her for a few months. The first few months were rocky and a little scary, but now I understand her and I know what her goals for me are.

Singing has never felt better or easier than it does right now. I feel like I am just climbing, climbing, climbing. I know that it isn't going to be that way forever, but right now it just makes me so happy.

At first, Dr. Reich didn't really give me a lot of positive feedback--she was just so focused on changing my sound, and fixing this, and tweaking that, and getting me to do this other thing. So I felt like I wasn't progressing, I felt like I wasn't getting any better and like I wasn't doing anything she wanted me to do.

And then I had this lesson where she just said, "Okay, can you HEAR that? Can you hear how much progress you have made and are still making?"
The sudden acknowledgment of the progress made my whole life. It really did, and then it just made me want to work that much harder for the next week.

I had my first lesson of the semester today, and I was nervous for it. Just because I didn't practice as much as I should have over Christmas break. And the young artist competition (if that's even what they're called) are this week. So I was just a little worried.
BUT Once again, Dr. Reich was so patient and just opened me up and she even said I had a gorgeous sound.
:D
ME! She said that about me! About my voice! And she is the kind of woman who would not say that unless she meant it. She doesn't just give empty compliments, she means everything she says.

It's silly how much that little boost can just make me feel driven for the rest of the week--for the rest of the semester, even. So I'm so excited for this semester. I'm so excited for the progress that I am making. And I am so grateful for Dr. Reich and for Aurelia (who is my fantastic accompanist/vocal coach). I am so happy that I get to work with them.

I am in the right place. Sometimes I forget about that. But I am. I chose the right school, and I am where I need to be. Hallelujah.

Out with the old, in the with the new

Well, I told you nothing about my first semester of Grad school.
I'll do that sometime.
But.
I just want everyone to know that I am done with holding on to old things.
I am over it. I am done. I am in a new place, with new people, and a new life.
And it is time for me to start living that way.

That's all I have for the day.
My new semester starts tomorrow, and I am excited to start it with no old things.

BAM.

The Wayfaring Stranger

I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger
I'm traveling through this world of woe
Yet there's no sickness, toil nor danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my mother/father
I'm going there no more to roam
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather 'round me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet golden fields lie just before me
Where God's redeemed shall ever sleep
I'm going there to see my father/mother
S/he said he'd/she'd meet me when I come
I'm only going over Jordan
I'm only going over home

I want to wear a crown of glory
When I get home to that good land
I want to shout salvation's story
In concert with the blood-washed band

I'm going there to meet my Saviour
To sing his praise forever more
I'm just a going over Jordan
I'm just a going over home

Everyone Sang

Everyone Sang

Everyone suddenly burst out singing;
And I was filled with such delight
As prisoned birds must find in freedom,
Winging wildly across the white
Orchards and dark-green fields; on--on--and out of sight.

Everyone's voice was suddenly lifted;
And beauty came like the setting sun:
My heart was shaken with tears; and horror
Drifted away . . . O, but Everyone
Was a bird; and the song was wordless; the singing will never be done.

Siegfried Sassoon (1886-1967)

Dear World,

I just need to spill. If you want to know what is going on in my brain, here it is for you!

Life: I have no friends. How is that? It has been a long time since I have had to completely start over. I don't like it. I know that I need to give it time, but it is totally weird. I have never known what it felt like to be lonely. Lonely. It's horrible.
I know that I have many many friends all over the place, but I am specifically referring to BYU and even more specifically referring to the HFAC and my apartment complex. I have my cousin, that's true. But I am in this huge place, and I don't have any friends that I see on a regular basis.

Voice Teacher: I really like Dr. Reich as a person. She is really nice, and supportive, she really cares about her students. I am really excited to study with her, I am excited for lessons. I am hoping and praying that we work together well, I hope that she knows how to teach me and my voice. I told her yesterday that I had only had one voice teacher and she seemed surprised. And another student says I was in for a rough ride, because changing voice teachers can be hard. And Dr. Reich agreed. Oh boy, here we go.
She had an ice cream party at her house last night, and after I got there an hour and a half late, she was still nice to me! She made sure that I talked to the other girls in the studio, it is a studio of all girls, which is really interesting. Reichettes...that is what we are called. Ha. Cracks me up.

BYU Singers callback: It was yesterday at 5:00. I just don't know how I feel about it. I don't think I am going to get in. And I really mean that. I don't think my sound is quite what he was looking for. It wasn't because I did a bad job or anything like that, I just don't think my voice is what he was looking for in this choir. The list is supposed to be posted this morning, but I don't want to go find out. Because I know that if I am not on that list, I just might cry. Or maybe I won't! Who knows! I am feeling all wriggly.

Teaching: I suck at this teaching game. I haven't taught individual voice lessons yet, I am actually looking forward to that. However, I am not good at the group voice class because I have no idea what to do or what to expect. I just don't know how or what to teach them. I need to know a more specific schedule, I need an outline. I need something! Sweet mercy.

School: My class load is going to be crazy. YES, I am only really taking 2 sit down classes, but they are going to be insane. Not to mention opera workshop and opera chorus. That is a lot of music to learn. A lot of craziness. Music for the opera chorus class, possibly being in the opera chorus for Cosi, whatever we learn for opera workshop, an entire large opera role for Advanced Vocal Lit, and then whatever rep we are assigned by our teacher. WHAT? PLUS, if I do get into singers, all of the memorization that goes along with that.
I just have to not fall behind on my memorizing, and I will be okay. It is just daunting to look at it as a whole. BLAH.

My ward: So I go to church on Sunday and want to have friends, right? So I talk to some girls sitting next to me. I talk to them for a minute, they seem nice. I sit next to a group of guys in Sunday School and I try to talk to them. They don't talk to me. This pattern continues at church, at family home evening, and our ward prayer on Sunday night. And then I FINALLY figured it out. Those boys don't "waste their time" talking to me, because they already decided that they don't want to date me!! No, for real, because other girls would come up and talk to them and they would talk to them, no problem. But they completely ride me off because they know that they don't want to date me. WHICH IS FINE. But seriously? Friends? Why can't we just be friends? Why do you just assume that because I am talking to you, I want to date you? Really? Augh! So we can forget that guy friends notion for awhile. Because it is ridiculous. There are some things I love about BYU and some things that I most certainly do not.

OKAY. I think I'm good. Whew.