Sure on this shining night
Of star-made shadows round
Kindness must watch for me
This side the ground
The late year lies down the north,
All is healed, all is health
High summer holds the earth,
Hearts all whole
Sure on this shining night
I weep for wonder
Wandr’ing far alone
Of shadows on the stars.
James Agee (1909-1955) -
“Description of Elysium”, from Permit Me Voyage,
stanzas 6-8, 1934
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
silent screaming
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THERE. Now I feel better.
THERE. Now I feel better.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
coming unglued
Seam by seam, limb by limb....I am coming unglued.
Bulleted list, because that's the only way this is going to work:
GRAD SCHOOLS APPLICATIONS:
1. Why do they have to make it so difficult to navigate their webpage?
2. Why is it that all of the requirements for applying aren't just listed on one page? And why are some of them in really fine print in a completely different section not relating to music at all?
3. Why do they think that as an entering Grad student I would want be capable of helping direct the University choirs? I am pretty sure I am no where near capable of doing such a thing.
4. Why is it SO expensive?
5. Why can't they all just be due at the same time? One general due date. UMKC has to be RECEIVED by December 1. Maryland has to be postmarked by December 1. Wisconsin has to be postmarked by December 1. BYU isn't due until February 15. Wichita isn't due until July?! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?
6. Why is there no phone number for me to call when I have questions about your highly confusing applications? You ask me for contact information--I already gave you all of mine....are you asking for the info of someone else? For the contact information for my recommendors? I don't know, you didn't specify. How do I find out if you don't list a phone number?!
7. I don't know what to write you in my letter of intent--about why I want a Master's of Music? About why I want a Master's of Music from YOUR school? About why I think you should accept me to your program? About my accomplishments? What do you want to know?! In 300 words or less. See, that's just rude. If you want me to write that little, you have gotta give me more to go on.
Okay. I think my rant is complete. There were too many words for me to try to say them all out loud.
Words are hard.
Bulleted list, because that's the only way this is going to work:
GRAD SCHOOLS APPLICATIONS:
1. Why do they have to make it so difficult to navigate their webpage?
2. Why is it that all of the requirements for applying aren't just listed on one page? And why are some of them in really fine print in a completely different section not relating to music at all?
3. Why do they think that as an entering Grad student I would want be capable of helping direct the University choirs? I am pretty sure I am no where near capable of doing such a thing.
4. Why is it SO expensive?
5. Why can't they all just be due at the same time? One general due date. UMKC has to be RECEIVED by December 1. Maryland has to be postmarked by December 1. Wisconsin has to be postmarked by December 1. BYU isn't due until February 15. Wichita isn't due until July?! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?
6. Why is there no phone number for me to call when I have questions about your highly confusing applications? You ask me for contact information--I already gave you all of mine....are you asking for the info of someone else? For the contact information for my recommendors? I don't know, you didn't specify. How do I find out if you don't list a phone number?!
7. I don't know what to write you in my letter of intent--about why I want a Master's of Music? About why I want a Master's of Music from YOUR school? About why I think you should accept me to your program? About my accomplishments? What do you want to know?! In 300 words or less. See, that's just rude. If you want me to write that little, you have gotta give me more to go on.
Okay. I think my rant is complete. There were too many words for me to try to say them all out loud.
Words are hard.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
ajd(&*4kka9*4jh;l8923;kojasdf
ajd(&*4kka9*4jh;l8923;kojasdf
And that's all I have to say about this weekend.
Love, Geneil
And that's all I have to say about this weekend.
Love, Geneil
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Cedar City
Have you ever been to Cedar City?
Not "Oh, I drove by on the freeway."
Not "Oh, I stopped for gas there once."
Not "Oh, I had to stop on my way through and get subway."
No for real, have you BEEN to Cedar City?
Have you been to the Pastry Pub? Have you been to Park Discovery? Have you been up Cedar canyon? Have you walked around SUU campus? Have you seen a Shakespeare show?
I HAVE, I HAVE, I HAVE!!
Oh my goodness, Cedar City is such a beautiful place. I am glad to be back. It's so green and beautiful and it really is like a home away from home. It's so nice to be in my house (though I am looking forward to the day when my roommates move in). It's so nice to be back in the music building. To talk with Donna about life and things. It's so nice to walk around this beautiful place that I have called home away from home for the past four years (five, by the time I graduate...).
But I miss my real home. My home where my family is. It was hard to leave this year. I love my family. I know that you all know this....but I don't think you REALLY know. My family is the best.
I want all of the things I learned and realized this summer to stay with me. I don't want them to leave. All of the changes I have gone through, the confidence I have gained, the fact that I was cheerful most of the time....I don't want it to go away!
This summer I finally found ME again. I was kind of lost there for a little while.
Please help me to be me all year. Okay? Okay.
No going back.
BAM.
Not "Oh, I drove by on the freeway."
Not "Oh, I stopped for gas there once."
Not "Oh, I had to stop on my way through and get subway."
No for real, have you BEEN to Cedar City?
Have you been to the Pastry Pub? Have you been to Park Discovery? Have you been up Cedar canyon? Have you walked around SUU campus? Have you seen a Shakespeare show?
I HAVE, I HAVE, I HAVE!!
Oh my goodness, Cedar City is such a beautiful place. I am glad to be back. It's so green and beautiful and it really is like a home away from home. It's so nice to be in my house (though I am looking forward to the day when my roommates move in). It's so nice to be back in the music building. To talk with Donna about life and things. It's so nice to walk around this beautiful place that I have called home away from home for the past four years (five, by the time I graduate...).
But I miss my real home. My home where my family is. It was hard to leave this year. I love my family. I know that you all know this....but I don't think you REALLY know. My family is the best.
I want all of the things I learned and realized this summer to stay with me. I don't want them to leave. All of the changes I have gone through, the confidence I have gained, the fact that I was cheerful most of the time....I don't want it to go away!
This summer I finally found ME again. I was kind of lost there for a little while.
Please help me to be me all year. Okay? Okay.
No going back.
BAM.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Things change, Jo.
I have a few things on my mind and no way to get them out. So here we go...
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, guys. I'm not all "open" or "share-y". I'm just not. Never have been. Let's face it, probably never will be. So it's weird to write this down where people might actually read it...but I'm giving it a try.
Things change. People change. Thoughts change. Opinions change.
I change. I have changed. I keep changing.
I think back on the person that I was four years ago. Three years ago. Two years ago. One year ago. What happened? When did I change? There are these huge, significant differences between each of those years. WOW.
Now here I am. I finished my Junior year of college. I'm home for summer. I went to Florida. I went to Girl's Camp....
and I have changed in two months time.
and I am changing more every day.
I don't see things in black and white. I see all of the gray scale in between and all of the colors in between. I have known this about myself my whole life...but it's just now that I am realizing what that means to me.
I also figured out that I am a forgive and forget kind of person. I say "I'm over it" and then I forget that it even happened. BUT whatever effect it had on me sticks. Which is really annoying, sometimes.
Like that lack of trust thing? Yeah, I kind of wish I could shake that.
But all the same, I love so many people. I appreciate every person who came into my life. Even the ones who came into my life, tore me apart, and then left. I appreciate them too.
Because they changed me. Changed me to be who I am.
And I thank them for that.
I'm grateful for the strength.
I'm grateful for the courage.
I'm grateful for the change.
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, guys. I'm not all "open" or "share-y". I'm just not. Never have been. Let's face it, probably never will be. So it's weird to write this down where people might actually read it...but I'm giving it a try.
Things change. People change. Thoughts change. Opinions change.
I change. I have changed. I keep changing.
I think back on the person that I was four years ago. Three years ago. Two years ago. One year ago. What happened? When did I change? There are these huge, significant differences between each of those years. WOW.
Now here I am. I finished my Junior year of college. I'm home for summer. I went to Florida. I went to Girl's Camp....
and I have changed in two months time.
and I am changing more every day.
I don't see things in black and white. I see all of the gray scale in between and all of the colors in between. I have known this about myself my whole life...but it's just now that I am realizing what that means to me.
I also figured out that I am a forgive and forget kind of person. I say "I'm over it" and then I forget that it even happened. BUT whatever effect it had on me sticks. Which is really annoying, sometimes.
Like that lack of trust thing? Yeah, I kind of wish I could shake that.
But all the same, I love so many people. I appreciate every person who came into my life. Even the ones who came into my life, tore me apart, and then left. I appreciate them too.
Because they changed me. Changed me to be who I am.
And I thank them for that.
I'm grateful for the strength.
I'm grateful for the courage.
I'm grateful for the change.
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