COLORS

My skin is kind of sort of brownish
Pinkish yellowish white.
My eyes are grayish blueish green,
But I'm told they look orange in the night.
My hair is reddish blondish brown,
But it's silver when it's wet.
And all the colors I am inside
Have not been invented yet.

-Shel Silverstein

ajd(&*4kka9*4jh;l8923;kojasdf

ajd(&*4kka9*4jh;l8923;kojasdf

And that's all I have to say about this weekend.

Love, Geneil

Cedar City

Have you ever been to Cedar City?
Not "Oh, I drove by on the freeway."
Not "Oh, I stopped for gas there once."
Not "Oh, I had to stop on my way through and get subway."
No for real, have you BEEN to Cedar City?
Have you been to the Pastry Pub? Have you been to Park Discovery? Have you been up Cedar canyon? Have you walked around SUU campus? Have you seen a Shakespeare show?
I HAVE, I HAVE, I HAVE!!
Oh my goodness, Cedar City is such a beautiful place. I am glad to be back. It's so green and beautiful and it really is like a home away from home. It's so nice to be in my house (though I am looking forward to the day when my roommates move in). It's so nice to be back in the music building. To talk with Donna about life and things. It's so nice to walk around this beautiful place that I have called home away from home for the past four years (five, by the time I graduate...).
But I miss my real home. My home where my family is. It was hard to leave this year. I love my family. I know that you all know this....but I don't think you REALLY know. My family is the best.
I want all of the things I learned and realized this summer to stay with me. I don't want them to leave. All of the changes I have gone through, the confidence I have gained, the fact that I was cheerful most of the time....I don't want it to go away!
This summer I finally found ME again. I was kind of lost there for a little while.
Please help me to be me all year. Okay? Okay.
No going back.
BAM.

Things change, Jo.

I have a few things on my mind and no way to get them out. So here we go...
I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, guys. I'm not all "open" or "share-y". I'm just not. Never have been. Let's face it, probably never will be. So it's weird to write this down where people might actually read it...but I'm giving it a try.
Things change. People change. Thoughts change. Opinions change.
I change. I have changed. I keep changing.
I think back on the person that I was four years ago. Three years ago. Two years ago. One year ago. What happened? When did I change? There are these huge, significant differences between each of those years. WOW.
Now here I am. I finished my Junior year of college. I'm home for summer. I went to Florida. I went to Girl's Camp....
and I have changed in two months time.
and I am changing more every day.
I don't see things in black and white. I see all of the gray scale in between and all of the colors in between. I have known this about myself my whole life...but it's just now that I am realizing what that means to me.
I also figured out that I am a forgive and forget kind of person. I say "I'm over it" and then I forget that it even happened. BUT whatever effect it had on me sticks. Which is really annoying, sometimes.
Like that lack of trust thing? Yeah, I kind of wish I could shake that.
But all the same, I love so many people. I appreciate every person who came into my life. Even the ones who came into my life, tore me apart, and then left. I appreciate them too.
Because they changed me. Changed me to be who I am.
And I thank them for that.
I'm grateful for the strength.
I'm grateful for the courage.
I'm grateful for the change.

The Professional Choral Institute: Day 15

Sunday, June 5--The Last Day

The bus was leaving for Ft. Lauderdale at 10:00. Our last performance was tonight at 6:00. It was going to be a four hour bus ride to Ft. Lauderdale...so at least we had lots of time to spend with PCI.
Taliah and I sat next to each other and then we sat around Mariam Osman, Andrew Hoy, Tom Regan, Cecilia Lo, Brett Bailey and David Evans. We started playing Three Truths and a Lie. I was having a hard time with that one. I couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t completely obvious. YEESH. But it was fun and it was a really good way to get to know each other. It was a long bus ride but it was totally fun the whole way over. Joey Quigley kind of had little exit interviews with us. He just asked us what they could improve on for next year and I could honestly said "No improvements, I thought it was awesome! I loved every minute of it." He laughed a little because I was just SO happy. I did joke about how I was put down as a soprano and how that was a BIG MISTAKE. :]
Ft. Lauderdale is beautiful. It’s a completely different kind of city than Tampa. I really loved it. I loved the scenery and the way the little shops were all lined up.
We got to All Saints Episcopal church and dropped off our stuff and had to run and find somewhere to grab lunch. We ended up at a restaurant called Mangos with some PCI people and some Seraphic Fire peeople. I ended up sitting with Mariam, Kat Mueller (from Seraphic Fire), Taliah, and Brett Bailey. Very fun. Kat is so great and it was fun to get to know her a little bit and some of her background. She was very personable and incredibly kind. I loved hearing her tell stories about how she is a pesco-vegetarian and how she is earth friendly. She goes, “Well, I am kind of a vegetarian….I eat fish. Because, you know, I could kill a fish.” Yup, I definitely liked her from the very start. After lunch we still had about 15 minutes and Kat thought of going to grab some frozen yogurt. Best idea EVER. Vanilla frozen yogurt with strawberries and blueberries? What could be better?
We ran back to the church and got ready and had a sound check. The acoustics in the church were AMAZING. We were all so excited for our last concert.
Singing tonight was just so fun. I almost cried at least six different times. Every time we ended a movement, it made me so sad to think that it was the last time that I would be singing this beloved requiem with these beloved people. It was so fun. I didn’t leave that concert wishing that I had given it a little more. I gave it all I had. Despite the tears.
Seraphic Fire sang “There will be rest” as an encore. Have you heard that song? Look it up--it’s on Seraphic Fire’s Christmas CD. No one could sing it better than Seraphic Fire. It is one of those songs that instantly makes your eyes tear up and makes your chest feel so full that it could burst at any minute.
After the performance we talked to the audience members. They were so great, I could tell that many of them must be regulars. Some cute ladies told us how lucky we were to be there.
Trust us, we know.
The bus ride back was a PARTY! Everyone stopped off and got some supplies for the road home. Alcohol for everyone...ice cream for me and Taliah. :]
We all talked and had fun and celebrated a good two weeks.
We got home at around 2:00 in the morning.
Goodbyes suck so bad. Everyone has been so wonderful and I just really liked everyone! Hopefully we will all see each other again someday. I'm sure we will.
We had to say goodbye as people got off the bus. We said goodbye to the USF people. We said goodbye to Seraphic Fire. We said goodbye to the Western Michigan people.
Man, it was hard. Tomorrow I hop back onto a plane...back to real life.
Goodbye Florida. Goodbye PCI. Goodbye USF. Goodbye everyone. Goodbye Requiem.
I’m going to miss you all. It’s been a pleasure.

The Professional Choral Institute: Day 14

Saturday, June 4
Today was the day of our first performance! However, we had nothing else to do ALL day. So we just slept until we were done sleeping. Cecilia, Taliah, and I slept until about 11:30. I never sleep that late! But it was so nice to relax and just chill because we were all just so tired.
My lesson with Suzanne was at 3:30. So I ate some lunch and headed over to the School of Music to warm up and un-freak myself out. I tried warming up...oh my gosh, the vocal cords were SO not happy with that.
I met up with Suzanne and we found a practice room and we started. She had me sing the Satie piece and then she did some vocalizing with me. She helped me out with some placement in my middle register. She helped me figure out the balance between a bright vowel and a dark sound. She also worked on some breath things with me--keeping my breath going and my tone spinning on every note, not just some of the notes. It was very good and so helpful. She was very nice and we talked about my voice a little bit and what direction it was headed. Bad news...she says I am heading toward Full Lyric Soprano land. Oh well, Mezzo Pants. I guess I can’t wear you forever. But I am still going to enjoy you while I can. We also talked about where I was planning on going to Grad school and what kinds of places I was looking into. She recommended that I also look into Kansas schools, Texas schools, one in California, and a school in Colorado. So now I have some more options. Too many choices, I’m tellin’ ya.
After my lesson, Dr. Diamond was kind of holding a vocal pedagogy workshop/master class for anyone that wanted to come. It was very interesting—-I learned a lot of interesting things. He talked about some things you should work on in the practice room—-legato, breath support, agility, onset, etc. I am excited to try to employ some of those practice techniques into my practice routine.
Then we had to get ready for the performance! Woohoo! I ran into a practice room and got dressed and then we all met for sound check. After sound check we had “circle.” We all stood in a circle and held hands and we said something that we were thankful for. Then Patrick told us what Professor Guttenberg has been telling us for years, “People don’t come to concerts to listen to music, they come to concerts to watch people make music together.” Then we all hugged and wished each other luck and had a few minutes before we started.
The performance was so great. It was fun to be able to sing the whole Requiem in the order that Brahms wrote it in. It was incredible. It was also great to just SING them without worrying about complete perfection. Prof. Guttenberg says it all of the time: “Perfect music is boring.” She’s right.
In celebration of a successful concert, Taliah and I went Chili's with Brett Bailey, Zaray Rodriguez, David Evans, and Cecilia. It was so fun. I love hanging out with them. We talked about geeky music things. Because we are all SUCH music nerds. Oh man, so bad.
But you know what, I admit it. I’m a proud music nerd. It’s the best kind of nerd to be. :]
Only one more real day. I’m so not okay with the fact that it’s almost over.

The Professional Choral Institute: Day 13

Friday, June 3
We didn't get to sing at all today. Isn't that just AWFUL? It was horrible, not singing today. It felt so weird. I didn't like it. So I sang the Requiem in my head ALL day. :]
We got to sleep in, which was nice. All we had on the schedule was a little question and answer session with Seraphic Fire and the audio engineers at 1:00.
We went to the choral rehearsal hall and we all set up this big circle of chairs. We got to hear the Seraphic Fire singer tell us about themselves, where they went to school, how they started singing, etc It was really cool to hear their background and get to hear about them and what they do. It was really neat to see how much of a family they all seemed to be--they were all such good friends and seemed to be supportive of each other. They all just had fun talking to us and answering our questions.
Something that amazed me was that none of them had any problem talking about their talents and their abilities. They have worked so hard to develop them and they had no problem saying it. None of them sounded like, “I-am-the-best-singer-this-world-has-ever-seen-...so...IN-YOUR-FACE.” It was really cool to listen to them and realize that you can have confidence in your abilities without it sounding like bragging. You know what I’m saying?
The PCI people asked them questions like “How should I dress for an audition?” “How do I know if I am ready for an audition?” “What kinds of connections do I need to have?”, etc. The answers were all very helpful and I learned so much.
Then we had a info session and Patrick talked to us about the Grammy process and how all that works. We have to fill out forms and do all of these things and then advertise for it like crazy the week that it's coming out.
I sincerely hope that everybody I know purchases this disc. It's going to be absolutely beautiful. You will love it even if you don't like classical music. It's gorgeous. And if it doesn't win a Grammy, it doesn't matter. You know why? Because this was the most incredible experience in my life so far. It is the most beautiful music ever made. In my humble opinion. So if it doesn't win...then they just don't understand. Which is okay.
After it was over, I talked to some of the Seraphic Fire folk. They were all really great, I was happy to talk to them. I caught up with Suzanne and arranged a lesson for tomorrow. We’ll see how that goes, I guess. Trying to sing some solo rep might not work out so well with my fairly tired vocal cords. But she's a pedagogue. She’ll understand.

After we got home from the Q&A, our roommate Cecilia asked Taliah and I to join her in going downtown to go to dinner. By way of public bus. Sure, we said. Sounds like a good idea. Maybe?
Cecilia figured out the bus schedule and where the stops were and what was around. So we quick got ready and met the bus. I was feeling quite wary of the whole situation, but that's normal for me. I was going out of my comfort zone, why shouldn’t I be wary?
We got dropped off in this SKETCHY neighborhood and there weren't really any people around. We walked fairly quickly and then we got into a more populated area. After much wandering, we finally found some places to eat. We went to a nice little Italian restaurant. We liked it a lot but it was a bit expensive. They made all of their own noodles and imported all of their ingredients. FANCY PANTS. Then we looked around for a little while afterwards. We found a fountain and a park and a river to go look around. It was really pretty, I loved being able to explore a different part of Tampa. Then we had to book it back to the bus stop in the dark. It was so scary. The bus ride home was scary. But we made it home safe and sound and I am glad we went.
Yay for adventure!